Pride can emerge many ugly traits and habits. And when God humbles you because your pride becomes bigger than Him, it can be a painful truth to accept. When you can face what you've become, look at all your character flaws, it's difficult to face. If I had not been able to admit and accept my shortcomings, I would not have been able to transform my heart and mind, which is something I've been working on for months now.
I've come to this conclusion about my fitness journey in the last few years; although I've done some pretty amazing things along the way, I know that during a lot of my training I began to have an attitude of comparison. As I reflect on the last year or so, I can see how I compared myself to "this person" or "that person." Often I felt superior. Maybe I didn't come across that way, maybe I did, what I do know is that my thought pattern was in that place. I found myself even comparing myself to those who didn't train in the same sport or with same intensity. At times I told myself, "I'll do my best so they can be "WOW" look what she can do." I would post results, pictures and every detail about how many miles I logged, time I spent working out, etc. on Facebook and would find myself passively bragging to others about my accomplishments.Even people whom I knew didn't have the ability to do what I was capable of , I compared. Sadly, I think that even some of the encouragement toward them was not completely genuine because always in the back of my mind I was thinking about "ME."
As much as it saddens, angers and I'm disappointed with myself, I'd also like to add that it was part of where I needed to be to get where I am today. It is very difficult to "own up" to your shortcomings, but it also has been a healing process that has given me awareness of when I lack humility and let pride take over. After this blog, some people may look at me differently, lacking trust, which they have every right to and I accept that, but I've also asked for forgiveness and repented my sin to my God and I know He has forgiven me because I've done so with a genuine heart. To those whom I may have directly hurt in my prideful ways, I have or will continue to make amends to them.
This weekend, I had the pleasure to participate in an event with a very dear friend of mine. One of my best friends of 17 years participated in her 1st race - The "She is Beautiful 5k" race!
|1st Time 5k Racers! Way to go Luxe Ladies!!|
If this was me doing this race a year ago, I would not had the ability to just support her, and allow this race to be about her. My ego would have taken over and my attitude would have been that of, "Let's see how fast I can run compared to her." How awful is that?! I can feel the shame in that thought and I'm thankful that I am not that person today. Only through the grace of God is that possible!
Today all that is different, because my heart is in a different place. My heart is led by Jesus Christ. He has transformed and continues to transform my attitude, outlook, behavior - "MY WHOLE LIFE." This weekend I supported my best friend, with her goal, to FINISH her race in 40 minutes! I found such joy in being with her and honored that she allowed me to be a part of her day. During my run, I gave Christ all the glory in every one of my strides. I thanked him for my ability physically, but also where my heart was, which was cheering her on all the way!
It was a breathtaking run along the beautiful ocean coast, but even more beautiful than that view was the up close view of her HUGE smile as we ran the course! She mentioned a couple of times how thirsty she was and I found myself thirsty with her, wishing I could magically pull out a bottle of water to relieve her thirst. When we saw the turn around where the water stop I smiled seeing her drink up! On the way back to the finish I ran ahead to take pictures at mile marker 2 and 3. It was great to see the glow in her smiling face in her cute pink outfit!
|"AHHHHH.....Refreshing and Yummy"|
|"Mile 3 - Only a few short steps to the FINISH!"|
God has blessed me with a new mindset way of thinking. And each day, several times a day I must renew my mind so that I can be the kind of person He desires me to be, and the kind of person I desire to be for Him!
I look forward to many more races as I continue my journey to Staying FIT for Christ, but also experiencing new first races with my Teen Teen!! Way to go Teen! You did something you hated (Running) and you can cross this one off your bucket list! Now time to cross of that 10k! I Love You! ♥
|She is Beautiful 2013|